We all have a fear of certain unknowns, I think. It’s just how we’re wired as human beings.

I don’t have a huge problem with fear outside the context of anxiety. I often say that in my case, my rational fears are fear of the known, while anxiety and phobias feel more like a fear of the possibilities.

For instance, I’ve failed plenty of times, sometimes spectacularly. I’m still alive to tell the tale, though it sucked at the time.

I don’t have a fear of failure. What I have in abundance is anxiety about the unknown outcome of new endeavors.

What have you been putting off doing? Why?

I’ve been putting off finishing Love, Cori (my next release) because of that fear of the unknown.

To me, failure is one possibility. It could receive entirely bad reviews. People could hate it or hate my writing style. It could get one negative review early on and get buried, never to be seen by new eyes.

Success is an equally uncomfortable possibility. Relative to my unknown status as an author, the idea of it actually doing well is not any less anxiety-inducing for me.

I suppose that’s because it would mean that I’ve spent until the age of 34 (by the time it’s released), or about two decades after I initially began writing stories, believing lies I told myself about not being good enough. That is failure of a different kind, and it would also hurt in a very bittersweet way.

There’s also the possibility of neutrality, which is where I’m at with regard to my poetry book, I Will Rise. It’s not really selling very well, but the feedback I’m getting is positive. It’s not a success in that it hasn’t sold a great number of copies, nor is it a failure because it’s been well-received.

Neutrality is the least frightening outcome, but also somehow the most disappointing. It’s not painful in any sense. It just is what it is.

Regardless, not knowing the outcome and being unable to even make an educated guess about it make finishing and publishing the story kind of scary.

When my anxiety is at the root of my fear, my default behavior is avoidance. If I don’t  finish the story, I can’t publish it, and I don’t need to worry about the outcome of making it available to the world. Problem solved.

Except I can’t live my life full of nearly completed stories that never get shared. I’ve spent so much time doing that already, and I’m tired of it.

If I get constructive feedback, I’ll use it to grow as an author. If I get positive feedback, I’ll use that as fuel to keep myself writing. If I end up in neutral territory, I will just keep telling stories until one catches the interest of enough people that they start looking at what else I’ve written.

I don’t need to be afraid because I’m honestly going to be fine no matter what the outcome is, and most of my battle is just resisting the avoidance and telling my anxiety to shut the fuck up.